The Trap That’s Keeping You Obsessed With Your Ex
I talk to guys every single day who say the same thing: “I know I need to move on, but I can’t stop thinking about her.” Trust me—I’ve been there too. You go through a breakup and your brain goes into overdrive. You replay every conversation, every mistake, every good moment. You start believing there’s still hope, that one perfect message could get her back. You think, “Maybe if I just tell her how much I’ve changed, she’ll come back.”
And that’s how the obsession starts.
But let me be brutally honest with you… Most of the time, what you’re feeling isn’t love. It’s ego. It’s your pride that’s been hurt. It’s your identity taking a hit because you were so invested in someone who walked away from you. You didn’t just lose her—you lost a version of yourself. And now, you think getting her back is the only way to feel whole again.
That’s why I created my free ebook, Fine... Here's How To Get Her Back. You’ll find the tactics you think you need to “win her over,” but spoiler alert—it’s really going to teach you why chasing her is the worst decision you can make. Get it here: https://comeonmanpod.gumroad.com/l/getherback
The Hidden Damage of Negative Red Pill Content
Now let’s talk about something that’s quietly wrecking your ability to move on—negative red pill content. I’m not talking about red pill awareness or masculine self-development. I’m talking about that content that does nothing but focus on how terrible women are.
You know the ones. The Fresh & Fit style content. The drama-baiting podcast clips. The “women are the enemy” commentary. Guys who watch too much of this start seeing problems everywhere—whether they’re real or not.
I’ve got guys in my private Beer Club who are absolutely crushing it on dating apps. They’re leveling up, going on real dates, even getting into solid relationships. But then their old paradigms rear their ugly heads. I see it all the time.
A guy will send us a screenshot of a totally normal text exchange and ask, “Should I be worried here? Is this disrespect?” We all look at the message and go, “Dude, no. She’s being fine. You’re reading too much into it.”
What’s happening is their reticular activating system—the part of your brain that filters information—is constantly searching for signs of female betrayal. And when that’s your mindset, it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. You create tension where there was none. You drive people away. You sabotage potential.
And this is exactly what’s keeping so many men stuck on their exes. They’ve poisoned their mental frame with negativity, and now they see every woman as the same. So instead of moving on, they go back to the “devil they know.”
Your Insecurity Is Fueling the Obsession
One of the biggest reasons men can’t stop thinking about their ex is because the dating landscape feels hopeless. You swipe on 100 women and get one match. You go on a date and she’s talking about astrology, her ex, or her 30k Instagram following. You start thinking, “Maybe my ex wasn’t that bad…”
That’s a dangerous mindset. Because what you’re really saying is, “I don’t think I can do better.” And that’s exactly the frame you need to destroy if you’re ever going to move forward.
This is where the book Forget That B*tch comes in. It’s not about hating women. It’s not about revenge. It’s about rediscovering your value and learning why letting go is the most powerful move you can make. You can preorder the Kindle edition right now on Amazon at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0F7GRVN8T.
If you can’t stop thinking about her, it’s not because she was “the one.” It’s because you’ve convinced yourself that she’s your only shot. But I promise you, she’s not.
Crowdsourcing Your Confidence (and Your Profile)
Let me tell you something that’s helped countless men move on from their ex: leveling up in a brotherhood of men who actually have your back.
In Beer Club, we don’t just drink and talk shit. We help each other. Guys post their dating profiles, and we optimize them together. We share conversations with women and offer real feedback. We challenge each other’s limiting beliefs. When someone’s stuck in an old paradigm—like obsessing over his ex—we call it out.
That’s the kind of environment that accelerates your growth. And that’s exactly what the guy I mentioned earlier experienced. He was spinning his wheels, full of insecurities, still attached to old programming. But with support and new strategies, he’s now dating a great woman and showing up in that relationship stronger than ever.
You can’t do this alone. Your mind will trick you into bad decisions if you isolate. And no amount of “trying harder” to win her back will work unless you start operating from a different frame.
Why “Getting Her Back” Isn’t the Real Goal
I get it. Right now, getting your ex back feels like closure. It feels like the win you need to restore your sense of self. But let’s look deeper.
Ask yourself: if she came back tomorrow, would you feel confident? Or would you feel terrified that she’d leave again?
That fear is what tells you the truth. You don’t want her—you want relief. You want the pain to stop. You want validation that you’re still desirable, still worthy, still lovable.
But you don’t get that by chasing her. You get that by doing the work. By becoming the kind of man who commands respect, attention, and desire—not from your ex, but from women you haven’t even met yet.
So yeah, download the ebook Fine... Here's How To Get Her Back at https://comeonmanpod.gumroad.com/l/getherback. Read it. Understand what the real motives are behind the obsession. And then, when you’re ready, preorder Forget That B*tch and make the permanent mindset shift that changes everything.
Why Most Men Never Move On (And Why You Will)
Most men stay stuck because they never challenge the thoughts running through their head 24/7. They don’t realize they’re caught in an emotional loop, repeating the same stories about what went wrong and how they could’ve fixed it. They rehearse the past instead of rehearsing the future.
You have to break that loop. And you do it by installing new thoughts. You do it by replacing “what if she comes back?” with “what am I doing to become the man I’m proud of?”
This is the work we do in Beer Club. This is the work I lay out in Forget That B*tch. And this is the work you can start for free with Fine... Here's How To Get Her Back.
You don’t need closure. You need direction.
You don’t need her. You need you.
You don’t need the past. You need your mission.
Final Thoughts: Rewire Your Identity, Reclaim Your Power
You’re not crazy for still thinking about her. You’re not weak for missing her. You’re just human. But what separates men who transform from men who stay stuck is what they do with those thoughts.
You can either keep playing the same mental movie on loop… or you can walk out of the theater and write a new script.
Let this article be your exit. Let it be your sign to take action.
Start with Fine... Here's How To Get Her Back: https://comeonmanpod.gumroad.com/l/getherback
Then preorder Forget That B*tch: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0F7GRVN8T
You’ve got this. Just stop chasing ghosts—and start building the life she’ll wish she never walked away from.
0 Comments