I’ve been where you are. You just got out of a toxic marriage or breakup. Maybe you fought to turn things around. Maybe you leveled up and she just refused to get on board. Or maybe the relationship became so disrespectful and disconnected that staying was no longer an option. Either way, now you're here. The relationship is dead and gone, but she still lives in your head.
You want to move on — you know you need to — but every time things go quiet, your mind drifts back. You start replaying everything. Wondering if it was really that bad. Wondering if you should reach out. Wondering if she’s moved on. Wondering, deep down, if you can still win her back.
I get it. I lived this. And I’m going to tell you something you might not want to hear but desperately need to know:
The only way to truly get over her is to hold frame.
Until you do that, every “I miss her” text you don’t send, every night you spend ruminating, every fantasy about fixing things will keep you stuck in the same dead loop. You will continue to hemorrhage emotional energy into a woman who has already checked out.
Today, I’m going to break down why holding masculine frame after your breakup is the key to letting go and reclaiming your power. And if you want step-by-step guidance on exactly how to do that in your situation, grab my free ebook Fine... Here's How To Get Her Back — because whether you still want her or not, the first step is getting your mind back under your control.
Why Saying “I Love You” Doesn’t Work (And Actually Makes Things Worse)
Let’s talk about Han Solo for a second.
In The Empire Strikes Back, when Princess Leia tells Han Solo "I love you," what does he say? Does he say "I love you too?" No. He simply says, "I know."
That line has become iconic for a reason. It’s pure masculine frame. It’s calm. Unemotional. Unneedy. He doesn’t need her validation. He doesn’t need to say it back to make her feel secure. He is secure.
But you? You weren’t Han Solo in your relationship, were you? You were the guy flooding her with "I love yous." You were giving affection hoping it would be reciprocated. Hoping it would reignite desire. Hoping to get back the woman who stopped showing up for you.
Here’s the harsh truth: that never works.
Saying "I love you" in desperation is emotional submission. You’re not inspiring attraction — you’re surrendering your power. You’re signaling that you’re chasing her emotionally. And women do not respond positively to men who chase them emotionally.
If you’re doing that now — even in your mind — it’s time to stop. Stop texting. Stop checking social media. Stop imagining those long talks that bring her back.
Instead, shift your mindset. Focus on holding frame. This means standing in your truth, not needing external validation, and refusing to pedestalize a woman who discarded you.
This shift in mindset is the core of what I teach in Fine... Here's How To Get Her Back — because even if your goal is to eventually win her back (which I don’t advise, by the way), the only path is by becoming the man who doesn’t need her anymore.
Why Women Test (And Why Failing These Tests Destroyed Your Relationship)
During your relationship, whether you realized it or not, your ex tested you constantly. This isn’t because she hated you. It wasn’t even conscious most of the time. Women test to confirm your strength and masculinity. They need to know you are stable and able to lead.
When you lost frame — when you got reactive, emotional, needy — she felt it. And whether she understood it or not, her attraction began to erode.
Your divorce or breakup didn’t start the day she left. It started the day you stopped holding frame.
Now here you are again, post-breakup, failing the biggest test of all. She’s gone, but you’re still chasing her in your mind. You’re still looking for validation. You’re still wondering if you should text her or if she still thinks about you.
This is why men get stuck after breakups. They keep thinking that saying the right thing will fix it. But women don’t want to be convinced. They want to feel you. And they feel most drawn to a man who doesn’t need them.
If you want to pass this final test, you need to stop reacting and start leading your life again. You need to step into your masculine energy and hold frame harder than ever before.
Inside Fine... Here's How To Get Her Back, I walk you through exactly how to start this process. From mindset shifts to no-contact strategies, it’s all there.
Why Overinvestment Was Your Biggest Mistake
Men are natural providers. We believe that if we just work harder, give more, and show unwavering loyalty, we’ll be rewarded with love and respect. But this isn’t how attraction works.
In fact, overinvestment often creates the opposite result.
When you become emotionally dependent and push all your chips onto the table, women instinctively pull back. They feel the imbalance. They see you giving too much and needing too much in return. It kills the spark.
It’s like watching a wild bird voluntarily lock itself in a cage. It’s unnatural. It feels off.
This is why holding frame is so important, especially after a breakup. You need to pull your investment back. Not as a manipulation tactic — but because your time, your energy, and your presence are valuable. They should never be given freely to someone who discarded you.
Holding frame now means focusing entirely on you. Your body. Your mission. Your mind.
This is not a negotiation with your ex. This is a contract with yourself.
If you need help creating this contract and sticking to it, Fine... Here's How To Get Her Back is your roadmap.
How To Hold Frame After The Breakup
So what does holding frame look like now that she’s gone? It’s simple — but not easy.
It means:
No chasing
No texting
No “checking in”
No social media stalking
No hoping or praying for reconciliation
It means focusing on YOU. Creating new goals. Surrounding yourself with powerful, positive men. Rebuilding your body. Rebuilding your mind. Cultivating stoic discipline and emotional self-control.
Holding frame means becoming so solid, so grounded, and so unshakeable that the idea of chasing after someone who left you becomes laughable.
This isn’t about pretending. This is about becoming. This is about rewiring your mind at the paradigm level — which is exactly what my book Psychology: Paradigm is about (stay tuned for more on that).
But if you’re just starting this journey right now? Grab Fine... Here's How To Get Her Back first. It’s free. It’s direct. And it will help you shift your mindset today.
She’s Gone. Good. Now You Can Become Dangerous.
Here’s the part you don’t realize yet: her leaving was the best thing that could’ve happened to you.
It forced you to face the uncomfortable truth about who you were and how you operated. It showed you where you lacked discipline, strength, and masculine polarity.
Now, you get to fix all of that.
The men who come out of breakups the strongest are not the ones who begged, pleaded, or clung to hope. They’re the ones who got angry, focused, and rebuilt themselves from the ground up.
You have that chance right now.
Stop fantasizing about the version of her that doesn’t exist anymore. Start building the version of YOU that the world — and other women — can’t ignore.
And if you’re serious about that, start right here: Fine... Here's How To Get Her Back. It’s free, but what’s inside it could be priceless for you.
You have two choices now. Stay stuck. Or start living like a man again.
Choose wisely.
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