If you’re a man over 30 and recently divorced, I’m willing to bet you spend more time than you’d like to admit trapped in your head.
You find yourself analyzing every fight, every decision, every turning point in the relationship. You replay the moment she pulled away. The cold looks. The excuses. The bedroom going cold.
You can’t help but obsess about it. What went wrong? Could I have stopped this? Is she with someone else? Does she miss me? What if I had done X differently?
I get it. I really do.
I’ve been there, brother.
After my divorce, my mind was a war zone. Every night it was the same story. Reliving the downfall. Fantasizing about fixing it. Wondering if she was thinking about me too.
But what I didn’t realize back then — and what I want to help you understand today — is that obsessing about her and what went wrong was the very thing keeping me stuck. Worse, it was keeping me unattractive, bitter, and weak.
If you’re serious about healing, reclaiming your power, and yes, even potentially getting her back (or someone better), you need to break this cycle.
And if you want the step-by-step guide to doing exactly that, grab my free ebook "Fine... Here's How To Get Her Back". Not only will it show you how to stop chasing and start leading again, but it’ll also make sure you get notified when my upcoming book Forget That B*tch: A Red Pill Guide To Breakups drops in June.
Trust me — you're going to want to be ahead of the curve when that happens.
For now though, let’s unpack this obsession you’re stuck in — and how to end it.
Obsession Isn’t About Her — It’s About You
The biggest lie we tell ourselves post-breakup is that we’re still “in love.”
But that’s not usually true.
What’s really going on is that you’ve lost part of your identity. You spent years, maybe even decades, merging your sense of self with this woman. She became your partner, your validation, your proof that you were doing life right.
And when she left, she took all of that with her.
So now you’re obsessing. Not just about her. But about you.
Who am I without her? Am I still valuable? Am I lovable? Will anyone ever want me again?
This is why you can’t stop thinking about her. You aren’t missing her. You’re missing who you used to feel like when she was still by your side.
Once you understand this distinction, it becomes much easier to break free. You stop chasing the woman and start chasing the version of yourself that was lost.
This is why my free ebook "Fine... Here's How To Get Her Back" puts heavy emphasis on rebuilding YOU first.
Because she’s not coming back to rescue you. You’ve got to rescue yourself.
The Dangerous Loop of What-Ifs
Another trap I see guys fall into all the time is the endless cycle of "what ifs."
What if I hadn’t worked so much?
What if I had gone to therapy sooner?
What if I was more emotionally available?
What if I gave her more attention?
The list goes on.
But here’s the brutal truth. None of that matters anymore.
Because the very act of spinning on these thoughts is keeping you out of your masculine energy.
Masculine energy doesn’t dwell. It accepts. It adapts. It moves forward.
The more you stay stuck wondering about things you cannot change, the more powerless you become. You think you’re gaining clarity or preparing to win her back. But what you’re actually doing is bleeding confidence and turning yourself into a victim.
Victims don’t get their wives back. They don’t even attract new women. Victims stay stuck. Leaders move forward.
This is why breaking free from this mental hamster wheel is non-negotiable.
And yes — I cover how to cut this pattern off at the source in "Fine... Here's How To Get Her Back".
Get that guide. It’ll show you exactly how to interrupt these loops and reclaim control over your mind.
Women Move On Faster Because They Have To
I want to hit you with another harsh reality.
While you’re sitting there every night analyzing what went wrong, she’s already moved on emotionally. Maybe not physically (though often that’s true too), but mentally she’s already shifted.
Why?
Because women don’t obsess the way men do after breakups. They have survival instincts baked into them that allow them to detach when they no longer feel emotional safety or attraction.
This isn’t because they’re evil. It’s evolutionary biology. It’s a concept I talk about extensively in my upcoming book Forget That Btch*.
The war brides phenomenon. Monkey branching. Survival-driven detachment.
While you’re stuck in “but I loved her so much,” she’s focused on “what’s next.”
And that’s why you need to do the same.
Not to be spiteful. Not to be petty. But because staying stuck is slowly killing you, while she’s already rebuilding her life.
You owe it to yourself to be the man who does the same.
The Only Way Out Is Through Rebuilding
So how do you finally stop obsessing?
It’s not by reading closure quotes on Instagram. It’s not by begging for explanations. It’s not by hoping one more text will make her see the light.
It’s by focusing entirely on rebuilding your life and your identity as a man.
This means hitting the gym.
Building your financial resources.
Finding a mission outside of women.
Reconnecting with other men.
Setting new goals that have nothing to do with her.
This is how you slowly but surely remove her from the pedestal.
When your life becomes so good that you no longer need her, or any woman, to validate you — that’s when the obsession fades.
In Forget That B*tch, I go deep into exactly how to design this kind of powerful post-breakup lifestyle. But in the meantime, "Fine... Here's How To Get Her Back" will walk you through the first and most important steps.
And trust me — those first steps are the hardest.
Conclusion: Stop Giving Her Free Rent In Your Mind
Every minute you spend obsessed with your ex is a minute you’re not investing in your future.
Every time you replay what went wrong, you’re reinforcing the idea that she has power over you.
Every sleepless night thinking about what she’s doing now is another blow to your masculine frame.
You want to move on? You want to win again? You want to stop hurting?
It starts by accepting the truth:
She’s gone.
And chasing ghosts won’t bring you peace. Only reclaiming your power will.
If you’re ready to stop thinking about her every day and start becoming the man who doesn't care if she ever comes back — but ironically is the man she regrets leaving — grab "Fine... Here's How To Get Her Back" right now.
This is your blueprint out of the mental prison you’re stuck in.
And when Forget That B*tch drops soon, you’ll already be ten steps ahead of every other man still crying into his pillow at night.
Decide today. Lead yourself. Stop obsessing.
It’s time to win again.
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